Some rooms are so special, it’s almost as if they have a soul. For me, this is my daughter’s nursery. My husband and I have been married for 8 glorious years. About 5 years ago, after purchasing the fixer upper of my dreams (his nightmare), we decided it was time to add to our family (beyond our 2 dogs and 1 crotchety cat, of course). After two long years of doctors, medications, surgeries, and heartache, I finally became pregnant. Over the moon ecstatic, I immediately began planning the nursery. I can still remember the first night; snuggled in bed, scrolling through hundreds of rooms on the “Project Nursery” website until the early hours of the morning. My mind was ablaze with ideas and my heart filled with a happiness I am still unable to put into words.
After the 8-week ultrasound, I received a call from my doctor telling me the baby wasn’t developing and I was surely going to miscarry. There was nothing I could do but wait for it to happen, treasure the last few days I had as a mother and try and find the silver lining to a most heartbreaking situation. At nine weeks, during a massive hurricane, I miscarried – in the middle of the night – in a house with no heat, no hot water and no electricity. Just like that, everything was over.
A year later, and right as we were about to give up on our dream, I became pregnant again. Petrified that this might be as heart breaking as the last pregnancy, I refused to let myself plan for anything. When I made it to the second trimester, a huge weight was lifted from my shoulders and I told my husband I wasn’t going to hold back – I was going to throw everything I had into this nursery. After years of wondering whether I would ever have this opportunity, I, with help from my wonderfully supportive mother and my incredible grandmother, meticulously planned every detail of my daughter’s room. We spent hours at Calico Corner picking out fabrics, days in Pottery Barn Kids picking the comfiest glider and I won’t even mention how many rugs my patient husband had to carry to-and-from the car before I found the perfect one at Homegoods. My grandmother found herself with a full-time job running from one thrift store to the next for weeks until we found the perfect dresser/changing table and my mom made me the most beautiful painting of the Angel of God prayer. Through this process, I found my heart began to heal.
Now, 6-months into trying for Baby #2, I often find myself sitting in the nursery glider, looking around at all the beautiful memories that were created here and realizing how incredibly blessed I am. I‘ll never forget my first baby, I may never have another, but I’m so incredibly grateful for all I have experienced these past few years and for my daughter, who made this room and all things possible.
Who knew a room could have such a magical power?