A Room with a Soul

Some rooms are so special, it’s almost as if they have a soul. For me, this is my daughter’s nursery. My husband and I have been married for 8 glorious years. About 5 years ago, after purchasing the fixer upper of my dreams (his nightmare), we decided it was time to add to our family (beyond our 2 dogs and 1 crotchety cat, of course). After two long years of doctors, medications, surgeries, and heartache, I finally became pregnant. Over the moon ecstatic, I immediately began planning the nursery. I can still remember the first night; snuggled in bed, scrolling through hundreds of rooms on the “Project Nursery” website until the early hours of the morning. My mind was ablaze with ideas and my heart filled with a happiness I am still unable to put into words. 

After the 8-week ultrasound, I received a call from my doctor telling me the baby wasn’t developing and I was surely going to miscarry.  There was nothing I could do but wait for it to happen, treasure the last few days I had as a mother and try and find the silver lining to a most heartbreaking situation. At nine weeks, during a massive hurricane, I miscarried – in the middle of the night – in a house with no heat, no hot water and no electricity. Just like that, everything was over. 
A year later, and right as we were about to give up on our dream, I became pregnant again. Petrified that this might be as heart breaking as the last pregnancy, I refused to let myself plan for anything. When I made it to the second trimester, a huge weight was lifted from my shoulders and I told my husband I wasn’t going to hold back – I was going to throw everything I had into this nursery. After years of wondering whether I would ever have this opportunity, I, with help from my wonderfully supportive mother and my incredible grandmother, meticulously planned every detail of my daughter’s room.  We spent hours at Calico Corner picking out fabrics, days in Pottery Barn Kids picking the comfiest glider and I won’t even mention how many rugs my patient husband had to carry to-and-from the car before I found the perfect one at Homegoods. My grandmother found herself with a full-time job running from one thrift store to the next for weeks until we found the perfect dresser/changing table and my mom made me the most beautiful painting of the  Angel of God prayer. Through this process, I found my heart began to heal.
Now, 6-months into trying for Baby #2, I often find myself sitting in the nursery glider, looking around at all the beautiful memories that were created here and realizing how incredibly blessed I am. I‘ll never forget my first baby, I may never have another, but I’m so incredibly grateful for all I have experienced these past few years and for my daughter, who made this room and all things possible. 

Who knew a room could have such a magical power?

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14 Comments

  1. 1

    Thank you for sharing your beautiful room and your beautiful story. Although I did not have to struggle through infertility, my first pregnancy was also a miscarriage. It’s a sorrow I still carry with me, even though my son is now 14 months old and I’m pregnant with our second child. Joy and gratitude abound, even after suffering and sorrow.

    • 2

      Laurie, Thank you so much for your kind note. I’m sorry to hear you also struggled through a miscarriage. I feel there is a quiet bond between women who have experienced this kind of sorrow. I wish you all the best with your pregnancy and delivery. Your son is lucky to have a sibling so close in age. Growing up, my mom (an only child) always said, “Never forget, your brothers and sisters will always be your best friends.” May this always be the case for your kids. 🙂
      Jen

  2. 3

    Jennifer, your story is very inspiring. It’s a great reminder of how fragile life is, of perseverance, and of God’s mercy. Your nursery photos are lovely, proving you (and your mom and grandmother) have a great sense of style and decorating. Tell your mom she did an amazing job with the prayer painting/calligraphy. As a child, that was my bedtime prayer.

  3. 5

    What a beautiful nursery, beautiful story and even though there is heartbreak in it too your strength is inspiring. It should remind us all to always move forward even if we take just baby steps. We never know what God has planned for us and must trust that whatever it is we can rest in Him. Good luck with baby # 2!!

  4. 7

    What a beautiful story and one of the most darling nurseries I have ever seen!! Sounds like a house-full of love and lots of projects..: ) Absolutely love the pop of color that the ottoman brings to that space ~ and the window nook is precious.. Best of luck to you with baby # 2, I will keep you in my prayers!
    xo
    Leah

    • 8

      Leah, Thanks for your sweet words! I’m glad you like the ottoman – I bought a very inexpensive, beat up one on clearance at Homegoods and then had it recovered. The prayers are so very much appreciated! Thanks again 🙂 Jen

  5. 9

    Jen,

    Your nursery is absolutely beautiful. And your story really touched me. I have three kids, but we also suffered through a couple of miscarriages between our girls and our son. It’s such a hard thing to go through, losing a baby you already love so much is something you never forget.. I’m so happy you have such a beautiful daughter. Thank you for sharing your story and this inspiring room, too. xo

    • 10

      Melissa, I’m so sorry to hear you went through this more than once – you are so strong. My mom and I have been following your blog for a few years now – I’m not exaggerating when I say it’s my favorite blog of all time. I wake up every morning and read your post before I even get out of bed. When you write about your relationship with your daughters, it reminds me of the relationship I have with my mom and excites me to think I’ll hopefully have the same kind of bond with my daughter when she grows up. Good luck with your new home, it has great bones and that view is to die for! Thanks again for your note. Kind regards, Jen

  6. 11

    True love oozes from the beautiful nursery that you and your mom and grandma have decorated!!!

    Your story is inspirational …………we all need to count our blessings each day….thank you for sharing.

  7. 13

    Thank you for sharing your story and the beautiful nursery. I too experienced several miscarriages after my first healthy pregnancy. I was never able to have another child but feel God blessed me with my only child…my perfectly wonderful daughter. One day, I will meet these other angel babies as you will also. Blessings to you!

  8. 14

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